Maybe you've heard: Memphis' biggest enemy is itself. I grew up here and as long as I can remember I've listened to talk of the obstacles Memphis faces, how it will never get out from under a pile so big, how unique, systemic, immovable, or irreversible the problems are. I could go on, but I'm sure you've experienced this kind of griping yourselves. Some of you might even be perpetrators.

When I went off to college in a small town in Iowa — a town whose main drag spanned no more than a few blocks — I found naysaying there, too. Most residents appreciated the quaint Midwestern feel, the tractor parades, and the wide-open skies. But an unhappy handful of others whined to no end about the dearth of fine dining options, the miserable weather, the claustrophobia of a place where everybody really does know your name. And each time I was forced to sit around mired in their grumbling, Main Street seemed to get shorter, the weather seemed to get colder, and the whole community seemed to be closing in. Turns out this kind of complaining happens just about everywhere, and it never seems to yield anything but more complaining.

So here's the deal, Memphians: It's time to cut the complaining. Quit the carping. Give up the grousing.

First and foremost, we've got to stop talking about Memphis as though it is anything other than our community. It isn't separate from ourselves, and we can't separate ourselves from it. The city's and the community's problems are our own. Whenever you hear someone say that the Memphis City Schools system is not their business, ask them where they think our civil servants, nurses, cooks, technicians, teachers, and mechanics come from? Remind them that, according to a study cited by the U.S. Department of Justice, a typical criminal offender is "undereducated, unemployed, and living in poverty before incarceration." It is their business. It's our business.

Next time you start to complain, think for a moment about how your language connects to Memphis' identity. When you "call it like it is" you identify something — primarily by its shortcomings — and constrain it to be that thing. Remember that every time you call Memphis "crime-ridden" or a "disaster" or "hopeless," you are constraining Memphis to be those things. You are accepting the unacceptable.

When residents are proud of their city, they not only want to see it succeed, they make it succeed. They show it off to visitors, they talk about its history and its future, they sell it to their friends and to themselves. And what happens? The city opens up to its potential, finds a niche tailored to its history and its talents.

We are nationally renowned as a birthplace of blues, rock-and-roll, and soul music. With the Music Commission, the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, the Memphis Music Foundation, the Stax Music Academy, the International Folk Alliance, and the Blues Foundation, our city has developed a music network that fosters individual talent and promotes communitywide development. Memphis is routinely noted as a top city for filmmakers; Movie Maker magazine named our annual film festival, put on by Indie Memphis, one of the "Coolest Film Festivals." We have and will continue to coalesce around our talented basketball teams, a truth embraced by Coach Pastner when he said of the Memphis Tigers, "This is the city's team."

I know Memphis has a lot of work to do. The Gates Foundation grant is a testament to that. Our city schools system will receive $90 million because our urban community has the highest overall poverty rate, ranks nationally as the second highest in violent crime, grapples with the highest economic segregation, and maintains a 42 percent poverty rate among children. But we weren't the only ones vying for this grant, and we aren't the only city struggling with these problems. That $90 million grant means we have a lot of work to do, but that work implies that a solution and a future exist.

Discuss, debate, keep open the dialogue of how Memphis can be better. Just remember, before you open your mouth ask yourself, "Will my comment help the situation?" Because complain and ye shall receive — more to complain about