Now, Why on Earth Would Anyone Need an ARMORED Ambulance?
I believe I've pondered this issue before, but I was reminded to ponder it again while looking through the curious old ads in the back pages of a Memphis University School yearbook from the late 1920s. Pretty much how everyone else in Memphis spends their Saturday nights, I presume.
I was struck by this handsome ad for J.T. Hinton & Son, promoting their armored ambulance service. I just don't understand why anyone would need such a thing.
Now look. As a Lauderdale, I have to be more security-conscious than regular citizens of our city, what with our family's coveted collection of bowling trophies, roller-skating medals, and assorted other treasures. But even so ...
Let me give this by way of example. Let's just say, hypothetically speaking, that I find myself lying semi-conscious in the neighborhood gutter after imbibing several gallons of Kentucky Nip on an empty stomach. I'm not saying it hasn't happened; I'm just saying it might. And let's say that a Good Samaritan happens to find me in this helpless state and — after relieving me of my wallet and pocket watch — calls 9-1-1.
When that ambulance arrives, to whisk me away to either the hospital or the funeral parlor (I'll leave that up to the driver), all I really care about is if the vehicle is sanitary, well-equipped, speedy, and staffed with the best-trained emergency medical technicians in Memphis. As a Lauderdale, I deserve no less.
But at no point in this crisis would it cross my mind to ensure that the vehicle was armored, or bulletproof, or burglar-resistant, or whatever they mean by "armored." It just seems rather unnecessary, especially since I hope they are driving fast enough to escape any neighborhood hooligans who may want to get to the spare change still left in my pockets.
But, judging by the ad, Hinton did indeed offer this service — in fact, they were the only ones in the world to do so. And they also provided you with the best-dressed ambulance attendants I've ever seen. Not a speck of blood on those spiffy white uniforms!
"Safest — Best"?? It just boggles the mind.