Now, Why on Earth Would Anyone Need an ARMORED Ambulance?



Photo courtesy MUS

I believe I've pondered this issue before, but I was reminded to ponder it again while looking through the curious old ads in the back pages of a Memphis University School yearbook from the late 1920s. Pretty much how everyone else in Memphis spends their Saturday nights, I presume.

I was struck by this handsome ad for J.T. Hinton & Son, promoting their armored ambulance service. I just don't understand why anyone would need such a thing.

Now look. As a Lauderdale, I have to be more security-conscious than regular citizens of our city, what with our family's coveted collection of bowling trophies, roller-skating medals, and assorted other treasures. But even so ...

Let me give this by way of example. Let's just say, hypothetically speaking, that I find myself lying semi-conscious in the neighborhood gutter after imbibing several gallons of Kentucky Nip on an empty stomach. I'm not saying it hasn't happened; I'm just saying it might. And let's say that a Good Samaritan happens to find me in this helpless state and — after relieving me of my wallet and pocket watch — calls 9-1-1.

When that ambulance arrives, to whisk me away to either the hospital or the funeral parlor (I'll leave that up to the driver), all I really care about is if the vehicle is sanitary, well-equipped, speedy, and staffed with the best-trained emergency medical technicians in Memphis. As a Lauderdale, I deserve no less.

But at no point in this crisis would it cross my mind to ensure that the vehicle was armored, or bulletproof, or burglar-resistant, or whatever they mean by "armored." It just seems rather unnecessary, especially since I hope they are driving fast enough to escape any neighborhood hooligans who may want to get to the spare change still left in my pockets.

But, judging by the ad, Hinton did indeed offer this service — in fact, they were the only ones in the world to do so. And they also provided you with the best-dressed ambulance attendants I've ever seen. Not a speck of blood on those spiffy white uniforms!

"Safest — Best"?? It just boggles the mind.

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About This Blog

Ask Vance is the blog of Vance Lauderdale, the award-winning columnist of Memphis magazine and MBQ: Inside Memphis Business.  Vance is the author of three books: Ask Vance: The Best Questions and Answers from Memphis Magazine's History and Trivia Expert (2003), as well as Ask Vance: More Questions and Answers from Memphis Magazine's History Expert (2011) and Vance Lauderdale's Lost Memphis (2013). He is also the recipient of quite a few nice awards, the creator of several eye-catching wall calendars, and the only person we know with a vintage shock-treatment machine in his den. 

You can find him from time to time in the pages of the Memphis Flyer and MBQ, on WKNO television, and on Facebook. When he is not exploring the highways and byways of Memphis, he spends his time sleeping, napping, and dozing.

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